There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
