Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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