It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
