He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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