he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
