Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
