somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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