i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
