grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
