Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
