All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
