I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it's like iHOP with fire
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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