NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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