i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
