i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
