what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
