Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
