I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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