Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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