I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize