literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
