she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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