i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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