Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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