I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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