well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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