brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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