Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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