I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
