Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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