I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
