having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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