We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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