Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
