I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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