It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
