i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
