so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize