You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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