My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
