He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
