i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
