Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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