Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
