dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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