Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
