Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize