just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
