ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
