I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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