woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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