Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
