girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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