Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
