dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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