I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
