Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
