ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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