alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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