i already hear my dad disowning me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize