Swine flu is the new snow day.
vagina is talking i cant
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
COCAINE IS GR8
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
