I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
