how can u be prego again
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
