Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
