apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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