She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
