i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
