Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
