My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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