You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
