I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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