Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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