so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its not stalking. its research.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
